The Day I Almost Put the Armor Back On

A few years ago, I was sitting at the head of a conference table, about to make a decision that would impact a lot of people.

The room was quiet. Waiting.

I had two options in front of me. Both had risk. Neither was perfect. And I could feel that familiar pull, the one that whispers:

Sound certain. Don’t hesitate. Don’t let them see you think.

That’s the moment most leaders reach for the armor.

You know the armor.
The polished tone.
The airtight answer.
The confident nod that suggests, I’ve got this completely figured out.

But that day, I didn’t.

And the truth was, pretending I did would have been a performance.

So instead of delivering the perfectly packaged answer, I said:

“I want to walk you through my thinking. Here’s what we know. Here’s what we don’t know yet. And here’s why I’m leaning this direction.”

The air in the room shifted.

People leaned in. Someone asked a thoughtful question. Another added a perspective I hadn’t considered. What could have been a top-down directive became a shared strategic conversation.

That was the day I realized something important:

Leadership without armor isn’t weaker. It’s stronger.

Where We Learn to Suit Up

Most of us didn’t consciously decide to perform leadership. We absorbed it.

We saw leaders who never flinched. Never admitted uncertainty. Never changed course publicly. We internalized the message: credibility equals certainty.

But the environments we lead in today, healthcare systems, complex organizations, growing teams, are dynamic and ambiguous. They demand adaptability, not bravado.

Research from Amy Edmondson on psychological safety shows that teams perform better when leaders model openness and intellectual humility. When leaders acknowledge uncertainty appropriately, it creates space for contribution rather than compliance.

In other words, when you put the armor down, your team picks up ownership.

The Hidden Cost of Performing

The trouble with armor is that it’s heavy. When you’re constantly managing how you appear, you’re using cognitive bandwidth on image instead of impact.

You hesitate to ask clarifying questions.
You avoid saying, “I need more data.”
You silence your intuition because it doesn’t sound authoritative enough.

And slowly, you start to feel disconnected—from your team and from yourself.

That’s often when imposter syndrome creeps in. Not because you’re incapable, but because you’re leading from a persona instead of alignment.

What It Looks Like to Lead Unarmored

Leading without armor doesn’t mean over-sharing or processing your emotions in real time with your team. It’s not about vulnerability theater. It’s about coherence.

It sounds like:

• “Here’s the rationale behind this decision.”

• “I may revise this as we gather more information.”

• “I missed something. Let’s correct it.”

It looks like values showing up in action. It feels like consistency between what you say and what you do. People don’t need you to be flawless. They need you to be trustworthy.

And trust grows when your behavior aligns with your principles, even under pressure.

The Question I Ask Now

Whenever I feel that impulse to suit up, I pause and ask:

Am I protecting credibility—or am I protecting ego?

There’s a difference.

One is leadership.
The other is performance.

And performance is exhausting.

Leadership, when it’s aligned, is steady. It’s grounded. It allows room for learning, for course correction, for collaboration. It’s not about asking, “How do I look like a leader right now?” It’s asking, “What does integrity require of me in this moment?”

That’s the shift. And that’s where authentic leadership actually begins.